Flecha

A flecha que me transpassa não dói, nem sangra, mas a cada segundo que passa me deixa mais atordoado, não me mata ou me fere, mas me faz sentir cada pedaço dela dentro de mim.

Olhando em volta não vejo quem atirou, mas tenho uma boa certeza sobre quem seja, pois ainda que não tenha existência física essa flecha em sua essência me diz de onde partiu.

E agora cada pedaço se dissolve e entra em meu sangue, flui pelo meu corpo e me enche da dona dessa flecha, cada minuto junto, cada beijo, cada olhar trocado. vão se movendo em mim. E como serpente se move até meu coração e trazem um sussurro que cada vez se torna mais forte.

Me torno cada vez mais eu mesmo a flecha e percebo então que a flecha não tem dona, mas que eu a partir de agora tenho, no último minuto que eu sou eu mesmo, me permito um sorriso por saber que a flecha é você.

Train number 4

Joseph took the same number 4 train everyday at 5:30 and there he was, as usual sitting on the old bench, he never like trains very much but this was the fast way at that time and he kinda liked the quiet as he watched the town waking up in the morning as the sun was rising. That particular morning was gray so wouldn't be a pretty morning, but its ok, after so many years just to be there was good enough.

After two stations a group of kids, probably coming back from a night out entered the almost empty train making noises, being loud as if they needed to let everyone what a great time and what a great life they had, so full of life and that everyone there should envy them with their colorful hairs, nose piercings, dragons, tigers, stars or whatever that would be cool to be printed in a skin. Flashing their bodies, so alive, living images of a energy drink commercial.

And there was Joseph sitted on his side minding his own business, watching the sad sky of the morning as the group passed and the what was supposed to be the alpha male for a moment changed looks with him and decided what a great oportunity it was to show himself to his pack and maybe get some action to those little girls that used to hang around with him.

"Hey old man, admiring what u can't be or never was?", asked in a cocky manner making the girls giggle and the other guys smirk. "Not at all kid, I am happy you are all you can be and", replied trying to end what he imagined would be a futile discussion.

"Come on, I am sure then you are admiring my tatoos. See this dragon? Took me 3 days to finish and look how much it suits me. Looks painful, right? Like I care about pain", and the guy flexed his biceps so that the whole cart could see it. Joseph just looked for a moment the window and back right inside the eyes of the boy and calmy said, "well, I never liked tatoos but they never bothered asking me that when they gave mine" and lift his arm so the whole group could see the numbers 13278. 

"Pain was never the tatoo, pain was all the memories and its taking me a whole lot more than 3 days", and got back at looking the sky. No laughs anymore as they sitted and watched the same sky as him.

Sino de Vento

A mesma sequencia de notas se repetia de cinco em cinco segundos, melodia torta que o irritava mais do que ele gostaria de aceitar, "por que diabos sempre a mesma nota", pensou consigo mesmo se enervando ainda mais por não saber de onde vinha o som que parecia arranhar seu ouvido por dentro.

Parou por um minuto extremamente intrigado pelo som ter parado como se o estranho som já fizesse parte de sua vida e o silêncio representasse um incômodo visitante. Olhou para um lado e só viu o vazio normal do fim de tarde.

Passou um menino com um violão quebrado e começando a soluçar e imaginou que com certeza  alguém se irritara com a mesma nota que minutos antes acabara com o seu sossego.

Parou e olhou para o menino que parecia notar o seu olhar confuso o questionando e o menino lhe respondeu, "ele simplesmente caiu e quebrou" disse quase como um choramingo, "nunca mais vou poder tocar a música que meu pai ia me ensinar e ele não vai voltar do céu porque não vai saber que sou eu".

O homem se sentiu culpado e disse ao menino que com certeza o pai dele o escutaria independente da música, pois ela ainda tocava no coração dele e isso o pai dele escutaria aonde fosse. O menino pareceu ficar mais consolado com isso e seguiu pela rua.

Com um sorriso o homem se voltou para sua casa a tempo de ouvir o sino de vento começar a tocar a mesma melodia, virando a cabeça disse " não se preocupe, essa melodia eu já sei de cor".

Apis mellifera

The alarm sounds again warning that again is time to get up and make the world go around. Mr. J. gets up happily knowing that even if its tiring is surely will pay ahead, no doubt about it, just perseverance is needed, he just needs to make an effort.

He goes on and think about the poor idiots that does not realize that simple true and watse their lives fucking and doing shit. What a bunch of useless clows, he thinks with a smile on his face and all content with himself that he is not fucking his life he is doing something good for him and perhaps all right?

Turning the radio he listen the president making a speech and agrees with the positive words, politicians may not be bad after all, they are just like us, maybe one day I can be the president too, its always about the hard work and if I am not, maybe I didnt worked hard enough.

All ready to go, Mr. J walks down the street all happy with himself and even if the day goes bad, maybe the next day will be better. It comforts him to know that he is part of life, he is part of society and he is sure make his part.

Mr. B, Mr. P and Mr.T were all in the bus with Mr. J and they surely thought the same as him, a collective mind or a coincidence doesnt matter, they will do that tomorrow and Ad infinitum.

Altered Beast

It is middday surely, sun is crisping my back merciless, a heavy sight comes from my mouth as i can feel my lips cracked with my tongue and  what i think is water running through my forehead. Looking up I blind myself for a second, foolish thing to do, no doubt about that, but maybe it can distract me from all, even a second.

No wind, no clouds, just this warm wave hitting me on and off and compeling me forward and forward i must go. No idea why i have to go, I just have to go. Tireless is what i need to be and I will be, nothing will stop me.

I can already feel no wounds, no hurt will make me crumble, that I can do it, that I am strong as I always was. A smile should be there but can't find it, like I care, I will go forward and God have mercy on whatever stays in my way.

I wonder what made me do this, forward and forward, it's not my own desire, it's an external force, superior perhaps? Am I a driven machine? Am I a chosen one? So many to consider and I am moving forward as my thoughts move backwards, looking for the moment all this start. My memorie searches itself looking for a tiny glimpse of it, so much fog in it, but I force myself, if my body can force itself, my mind surely can too.

And there was it, that line, that cry that made me do this and now i hear as clear as it as, I hear it saying in my ears, "Rise from your grave".

Se

Se te digo que me deixe, que deixe. mas que  não seja por um momento, que não me amarre com com você e me deixe seguindo a corda que me prende vendo a distância a cada dia aumentar. Diga no momento, não me faça esperar o que não vai acontecer, não me deixe esperar a fumaça virar você ou eu virar a fumaça.

Se te digo que me ame, me ame com vontade, mas que não seja por um momento, ame com força, não me faça lutar por aquilo que seria meu e me dê sua alma por completo, não em pedaços que se esvaem em meus dedos e me deixam fragmentos de você que só servem pra enlouquecer.

Se te peço que me perdoe, me perdoe por inteiro, mas que não seja por um momento, veja minha fraquezas  enquanto me desnudo por completo a você, que minha vulnerabilidade seja a força que lhe apresento para que com uma palavra você me redima e me eleve de novo.

Se te sinto, deixe-me entrar, mas que não seja por um momento, me torne eterno em ti para que nunca mais queira sair e raizes criar, dar frutos e envelhecer junto a você enquanto esses frutos seguem suas próprias vidas e nós viramos história.

Se te peço que me escute, me escute, por favor, mesmo que seja por um momento.

Spinning, spinning

It must be late, im sure its late but my eyes are so red i can barely notice the difference in  light, if its just the street lights or the sun coming up, I just want to focus for one second but so much in my mind that I cant decide on what should be focused, damn I just want one point to focus.

Looking around that empty space, chairs, tables, and me sitting here and wondering why am I still on this place, should just get the hell out of here, and I would if the damn room would stop spinning. I will wait just a little and all will be fine.

Damn, damn I am tired of this cup, this old whiskey just rolling and rolling, there must be something hipnotic in this swirling because as I look the room stop spinning, just the drink does, and it goes on and on, it's werdly calming and fuck I need peace.

I curse too much, this is not good, I should stop cursing and get something more meaningful with my life, yes, i will get out of here and start over, yes i will. From now i will get things straight and all things will be good,

"It will be 35 dollars, sir"
"Sure, let me get my wallet...oh fuck..."

Ok, ok. from now on, yeah, from now on....